Monday, March 30, 2009

The Way I Am

I recently became aware that I really hurt a guy I dated. I thought it was kind of a mutual break up, but I guess it wasn’t. And I’m sorry that he was hurt, but it was really was good for everyone to break up.

In high school I think it’s safe to say I was a pretty shitty person. And I live with guilt from that every day. I am truly sorry for what I did, but I have really shaped up since I’ve been at college and treat people like people now. Of course, now I think I’m better than those people who treat people poorly.

But then last night I had a dream about the aforementioned guy. I’ve been craving boy attention recently for obvious reasons, so in the dream I went to this boy. I told him all about how I was wrong to break up with him and we could work it out and date again. But all the time in my head I’m thinking “What the hell am I doing? I don’t like him. I’m being that person who uses other people.” Omg guys, it was a horrible feeling.

So maybe I just haven’t seemed like a shitty person lately, but I still am. And given enough temptation I will succumb to the temptation to use people. Maybe I’m not better than Those People.

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