Friday, March 20, 2009

You Don't Know But That's Ok...

You might find me anyway

In high school I prided myself in being mysterious and enigmatic. That seems so pointless to me now. I try now to be transparent. This was not a conscious decision that I made: I didn’t just decide one day that I wanted to be transparent, and I don’t even know when it started. I just realized one day this semester that I was being honest with people. It seems basic, but trust me…it’s not simple for me.

The best part about being transparent is that people like the things that I like about myself. For example: I genuinely care about people. Which is something that people don’t see when you’re an enigma. People don’t see how you feel because you’re trying to keep it a secret. So they don’t know you care. Which sucks. I mean really, that is the reason I lost my BRF, because I was secretive. It was SO not worth it.

I miss my BRF/other half most when I’m having boy issues. She was so good at listening to me ramble and telling me what I was thinking because I couldn’t figure it out on my own. But I miss her everyday with or without issues. This is the nature of losing a friend soul mate. A year ago I thought I couldn’t live without her. And I was partially right.

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